I Will Always Love You

There was once a girl, Daisy Philipp Carr. The girl with the soft, smooth skin, long curly brown hair, a smile, and not just any regular smile, the type of smile that would light up a dark room when there were no candles in sight. She was the girl. Every guy wanted her and how could I blame them? She was mine though, I knew everything about her, like her favorite type of dessert to the color she always paints her nails, creamy nude. I loved her.

Daisy and I were both born on December 21, 1978 on a cold winters night, the only difference is I was born in my parent’s house which had no heat or light till the bill was paid and she was born in a nice warm hospital with doctors and nurses tending to her from the first 0.1 second she was born. I met her during pre-school on our birthday, we both laughed and argued over whose birthday it really was and I will always remember her saying “Benjamin, you will have your birthday on December 22 and I will have mine on the 21^st. Now we will both be able to have our own birthdays and could go to each other’s birthday parties!” I paused for a moment and with a smile I said “I will always celebrate it on December 22, I promise “and I meant it, from that day I would do anything for her.

Fast forward to December 22, the winter of my 16^th birthday. It was held at Daisy’s house since she just had her party yesterday and there was still decorations and left over food. Of course, my party was not nearly as cool as Daisy’s. My party only consisted of Daisy and a couple of my Magic the Gathering friends and light Beethoven music in the background. Sixteen is such a magical number, it’s the only age where you can decide to get a job and a car, or ignore all adult responsibilities for two more years. When I turned sixteen I knew what road to take, adulthood, imagine me, Benjamin Boyer, with a job, car, and Daisy. That’s when I snapped out of it and noticed Daisy was not there anymore, so I got up, excused myself, and ran up the stairs to her room, only to regret my decision. December 22, the day the love of my life became only a memory.  

I remember this day so clearly, I walked up the steps, knocked at her door, and opened it. My virgin eyes saw more than was needed to be seen as I saw Daisy hooked around the local lowlife, scum, Cooper. They didn’t even notice I was there starring at them with a horrid look on my face. They continued until I slammed the door and ran out of the house, without saying a word to my guests. I ran more miles on that day then I ever did in my entire life. I didn’t want to stop in fear I would only have to relive the image once again. Finally, after two hours my legs gave out and I passed out with the screech of a tire being the last sound I heard.

I thought to myself “am I dead? Is this what it feels like to be dead? I can’t die though, not with my last memory being of her and him together.” Then, I smelled a fragrance, a flirty, floral fragrance and my eyes opened to see Daisy standing over me with mascara smeared all over her face, even like that in this Hospital lighting I still thought she was beautiful. She smiled at me and said “Benjamin, thank god you’re alive what happened back there?” I couldn’t say a word, I wanted to, but my eyes were focused on the tall shadowy figure in the back corner of my room, just standing there checking out nurses that seemed way too old for him. When I noticed his varsity jacket lying on the chairs, I knew who that tall shadowy figure was, Cooper. I was furious. I wanted to scream and get up from my bed and punch him in the throat, but my thoughts were much stronger than me so instead I just lied there and said “leave, both of you.”

That was the last time Daisy and I ever spoke for that year, the girl I loved and cared for in an instant became a stranger and not the friendly kind of strangers you smile and say hi to when passing. She was the type of stranger to look the other way when you passed by or give you a dirty look when you told her good morning. Daisy changed a lot, I was departed from the hospital one month after my birthday, to come home to a street with an empty house, Daisy’s house. My parents told me that she moved away after my accident and was told to apologize to me for not saying good bye, but that she will be returning to school in a couple months. Daisy was dead to me, I wanted nothing to do with her. She hurt me more showing up at the hospital with Cooper than sleeping with Cooper.

A couple months passed and we were told we were getting a new student in our introduction to physics class, her name was Daisy Carr. My class busted into laughter, with one student’s voice over the rest saying, “she isn’t new Mr. Zellner, she got pregnant and tried to hide it from everyone.” Why was I the last to hear about this, I loved her and I didn’t know this secret everyone seemed to be hiding from me. Daisy came in, she was still beautiful, but she wasn’t the same when I last saw her. Her smile was darker, her hair was cut short, and her face exposed acne that was not there before. She clung to her stomach and awkwardly sat down in the back of the class. I did not even look at her, I turned my back, got up, and left the room.

Daisy hung out with the outcasts. The students who started their day with a bowl of grass and ended it with a mixture of drugs, or “party enhancers” as they liked to call it. I was worried for her and her child, but knew I could not be responsible for her anymore, but how? I still cared for her and loved her and would never gain enough courage to just throw her away. One day after school as she was sitting there waiting for her group to show up so they can shoot up I pulled up beside her and told her to get in. Without any hesitation, she jumped in without a simple “hello.”

We drove for almost an hour without a word, until I finally gained the courage to ask her how her child was doing. When she looked at me I felt the world stop and it brought me back to pre-school the day we met, but it was different now. I didn’t feel the same way about her, I loved her it will always be true, but I didn’t love her like I loved my mother or my father, I loved her as someone I felt obligated to take care of, to teach her right from wrong. I was committed to helping her. She told me hilarious stories about her daughter, Tara, and how they would spend every night together laughing and smiling about nothing at all. I couldn’t help but smile, her passion for Tara shined through and lit up the car the same way her smile once would light up a room.

I stopped in a grassy field, turned off my engine, and allowed the darkness to surround us. We stayed quiet until her voice appeared from the shadows saying the question I’ve been wanting her to say since we got into the car, “Why did you drive me here?” she asked.  “I care for you Daisy, I had from the age of five to the age of 17. I will always care for you, I want to help you. These drugs you are doing are wearing you down, your body is frail, your hair is dry, and you seem to not give a damn about anyone but yourself. Why is that Daisy? I miss you.” Her voice was weak and all that came out in response was partial sentences that made no sense. She grabbed the door handle and ran, too fast to be seen. I was done with her. She did not want my help. Daisy never returned to class, but I didn’t mind because in a couple of months I graduated High school top in my class and went to my dream college, The University of Maine. I thought of Daisy now and again when I came back to town, wonder where she was, how she was, and if she ever thought about me and that night in the car.

            I came back from college on my birthday, December 22, to hear about some lady who over dosed and died. I wondered who she was, how she was, and if her family was okay, but as I stand before you today in this church, I will tell you that lady who over dosed and died, was my love. Her family is not okay, they gave Daisy everything they could for nothing in return. Daisy was not okay, and I want to take the blame for it, but I can’t. I simply can not. I love you, Daisy.